It's impressive how memories can be replace
with just words and lately I have heard these words in my head over and over, “you
are not good enough” after a long time of thinking about why and well of course
crying like a baby in the shower for hours, follow by eating ice cream and
drinking like there’s no tomorrow, I realize that I don’t know what I’m not
good enough for, it could be a million things; for example I’m not a good
singer, the worst actually but, I’m a decent cook, I’m terrible at physics or
biology but ask me anything about
advertising or branding. I may not know everything about Ana Karenina, but I do
know everything about Harry Potter.
So anyways the list is endless, but then
why is that I’m thinking about that phrase, is it the way he said it or the not
so great timing of when he said it, 4 months before that he said that he wanted
to spend the rest of his life with me, 3 weeks before he saw a picture of me
when I was little and he said he wanted to have a daughter just like me. So
what the hell?? After a lot of thinking, drinking and eating I realize that: He
has not idea what the hell he wants! Or he wants to be with someone else.
I thought I was not going to be able to be
happy with myself again, just because I was not good enough for him, but after
a long time, a really long time I realize that what it hurt is not the actions
that he took before and after is the fact that someone can mean the world to
you but you can mean nothing.
Today he still means something, it sucks
that he does, but I think is because my heart is not good enough for my brain.
